How Can a Person Know Everything at 18, but Nothing at 22?
I just turned 20 and I know nothing.
At 15 years old, starting high school, I knew exactly who I was. I knew what hobbies I enjoyed, what career path I wanted to pursue, and overall who I wanted to be as a person. I was a good girl who never smoked, drank, or even had social media; as well as maintained straight A’s throughout all my years of schooling. I wanted to be married by my early 20’s, and have my first child at 25. I was the eldest daughter so I constantly was setting an example for my younger sister of what to do and what not to do.
My friends at the time constantly joked of my “sheltered” nature, as they all participating in the activities that I did not have interest in at the time. I remember being mocked for never downloading the platform Tik Tok, as I never understood references people were making. Several of my opinions or thoughts on current events were merely just extensions of my parent’s and I did not have exposure to several aspects of reality. At the end of my freshman year, Covid-19 hit and I was locked inside for roughly two years to quarantine. Not only was this detrimental to human interaction overall, but it gave me so much time to just sit with my thoughts. As I had said previously, I wasn’t allowed to have any form of social media besides Pinterest. So instead, I embraced the extra time at home to work on my hobbies; playing instruments, painting, watching films, and reading. I’d like to think I have a more creative than analytical brain.
When I returned to school, many aspects of my life changed. I met my partner of 4 years now during my junior year, and I graduated in 2023. Ever since then life has moved so incredibly fast. After I graduated I knew I should go to college, it was just a thought that I had believed my whole life, that I must go to college to get a good paying job. My first 2 years of college were somewhat of my personal hell. I wasn’t enjoying my classes, I didn’t have solid friend groups, and I fell out of all of my familiar routines. Every aspect of my life felt like it was falling apart, but somehow I was keeping it together. I was maintaining my straight-A’s, I was balancing my relationship with school, the gym, work and family on top, all while being sick to my stomach with nostalgia of childhood. I started to put off all of my responsibilities, like paying my car insurance, trying to get a good internship, etc, and I watched as the dreams I had for myself slowly started to fade away. This past August I turned 20. This began a spiral of out-of-control habits and unfamiliar routines. For so long I could not, and still can not, wrap my head around the fact that I am no longer in my childhood, but in my early adulthood. Even though I have an amazing relationship, I am overall a healthy individual, and I have the most amazing friends, I fell into the worst depression I have ever experienced of my life. Unfortunately, I am still in this state of confusion but hence why it is fueling my writing.
I had always listened to Taylor Swift growing up, but the lyrics “how can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22?” and I don’t think I have ever truly understood what she meant by that until right now. In a world of so much black and white, left and right, right and wrong, it is truly impossible to discover yourself as a young adult. How am I supposed to choose a career when I don’t even know myself as an individual? There are so many standards to meet and records to break that there is a constant pressure being pushed onto the young generations to the point where it kills individuality.
I am currently in my junior year of college now, and I am majoring in communications and media. What does that mean to me? That’s a great question. I often tell folks who ask that I’m pursuing social media, in a sense of design and website layouts. I’m going to be honest, I have no idea if that’s actually what I want to pursue. With the development of AI, the downfall of physical media, and so many other aspects, I don’t feel inspired to pursue anything to be quite honest. I have so many endless interests and passions that I feel I can’t choose one career path for the rest of my life. To reference Sylvia Plath’s s fig tree, “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story…I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” (Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar) I truly believe Taylor Swift’s lyrics were just her interpretation of Plath’s previous words. To be a young woman with so many dreams, struggling to not be crushed by the weight of balancing all aspects of life.
All in all, I really do not have any idea what my future holds, but I’m trying my best to become comfortable with that. Going from a young girl who knew exactly what she wanted in life, to a young woman who has no idea what the whirlwind of the future holds, I have faith that it will work out the way it is supposed to. Even though some days are harder than others, I know in the end whatever is supposed to happen will happen, and at the end of the day it is out of my power. So once again I say, how can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22?